This is a forever-incomplete list of the lies they tell you in grad school, plus some suggested affirmations to counteract the lies.

You’re not working hard enough.

How this manifests: You are told that you’re not doing enough studying, research, academic service, etc., typically in response to you saying that you’re having difficulty with something that you have been tasked with. It is never considered that the task may be unreasonable, underspecified, or counter-productive.

What it means: This is a tactic designed to defer responsibility and/or hide from their own incompetence. Professors are often subject matter experts, but they are rarely trained in pedagogy or management, nor do they often engage in pedagogical review, so it is very likely that the assignment they gave you is, in fact, too difficult. Similarly, although they may be experts in research, they do not automatically know your particular needs/process, which may be different than theirs. Especially if they don’t know what they want and are simply unhappy, their position of power hides what would normally be considered anti-social behaviour, i.e., forcing someone else to guess what you are thinking to please you.

Some people aren’t made for grad school.

How this manifests: When you complain about something important, the excuse is given that grad school is so difficult that only the very elite can make it through. This implies that you are not worthy of being there, rather than that the process you are complaining about is unfair.

What it means: This is a tactic designed to diminish your sense of self worth. Everybody is “made for grad school” in the sense that every discipline simply takes practice to master. If you’re in grad school, and you discover that you don’t like research or teaching (the core disciplines of academia) then you might indeed not want to continue grad school. But everyone who enjoys research and/or teaching is “made” to be in grad school.

My grad school experience was tough, and it helped me grow as a person, so this is for your own good.

How this manifests: When you complain about not having enough money, working too much, or feeling like you don’t have support in the department, you’re told that grad school is “supposed to be tough.” Your concerns are dismissed rather than addressed or taken seriously.

What it means: Many of the things that make grad school tough are not necessary parts of the learning process, but, instead, are the result of people abdicating their responsibilities. You intuitively know the difference between “hard but helps me grow” vs. “hard because it is harmful.” Having to study a lot may be necessary. Having to memorize every detail of a paper because the professor wants to ask trick questions is abusive. There’s a difference between good practice and pedantry.

Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

How this manifests: When you complain, you’re told that something is already being done about your complaint. Or, you’re told that they will bring it up with a superior. Or, they redirect you to an “appropriate venue for your concern.”

What it means: This is a delay/diffusion tactic. They do not plan on addressing your concern. If something is being done, you’ll know it. They won’t have to tell you that something is being done, there will be concrete actions that are taken that you will observe. In the meantime, you are not required to wait to be treated well. You can demand to be treated well at any point, including right now.

It’s normal to be poor in grad school.

How this manifests: When you ask for more money, permission to get a job, fewer hours of work, or complain that you can’t afford rent, healthcare, physical care such as exercise, you’re told that this is not a time in your life to make money.

What it means: This is a dismissal tactic. Although you may have budgeted very tightly for your time in grad school, it is unreasonable to pay people below a living wage. You are likely in your late 20s or 30s. A living wage means being able to afford a lifestyle that confers on you basic human dignity. This means you should never be unable to find housing, food, and clothing. You should be able to afford the medical care you need. You should be able to afford a gym or other bodily health necessities. You should be able to save some money to reduce your fragility in the world.

We can’t tell another professor what to do.

How this manifests: When you bring forward a complaint, they tell you that they are unable to help you. Maybe it’s for institutional reasons where they claim not to be able to violate policy. Maybe they claim that they can’t change how a journal or conference works. Maybe they say that they can’t intervene on someone else’s responsibilities.

What this means: This is a denial of responsibility tactic. Professors tell each other what to do all the time. The institution tells professors what to do all the time. In fact, very likely, nobody is as powerful in their field or institution as your professor. They are the most able to tell other people what to do. They can write letters that are impactful for the journals or conferences they contribute to. They can bend policy according to their wishes. They can ask administrative staff to find other solutions to problems. They just don’t want to.

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