If you’ve gotten to this point, you have essentially exhausted every other means of healing yourself and escaping the abuse without direct confrontation.

Of course, you can confront at any time by escalating your complaint, even without the previous steps in place. Once you start the confrontation, however, it may be out of your hands. Or, you may be blocked at every stage and it may be “up to you” to make sure the abuse is prosecuted.

Talk to your supervisor

The first, hardest, and most obvious place to start is to speak directly to your supervisor about the problems you’re having. This has a dual purpose. First, you may actually be able to address the problem with them. Second, if you document your interaction, you will have evidence that you tried and failed to ask for institutional support or redress.

Different supervisors will have different reactions to being directly asked for help or to change their actions. If you choose to talk to them, be realistic about the outcomes. If you are afraid that they will dismiss you from the lab, ground that belief in evidence: did they say this? Did you see it happen to someone else? If the answer is yes, prepare for that outcome. You may decide not to talk to them. Know then that this is a very serious case indeed: many institutional abuses can be talked about. If they cannot be talked about, you can be certain that you are in a very dangerous situation.

Since your supervisor is almost definitely also a survivor of institutional abuse, remember that direct criticism will not be an effective strategy of getting what you want. Identify what you want in clear, objective terms. Explain the impacts and consequences of their actions on you. Describe the behaviours or conditions you would like to see change. Do not rely on emotional appeals to change their minds, but also do not shy away from stating the emotional impacts on you. If you can, explain the consequences of not changing the behaviour. Remember, it is not manipulative or coercive to explain the consequences of their behaviour as long as you are not threatening them. They may feel threatened, but if you are simply explaining yourself, it is not a threat.

That being said, it is almost certain that your supervisor will find what you say threatening if they are abusive. They may act secretly to campaign against you or threaten your status as a student. Plan for this.

 

Talk to a person bound to confidentiality

Institutions typically have a number of people who are technically bound to confidentially and may promise not to act unless you choose to have them act. This may or may not be the reality of what happens, but they are the right next people to speak with if you cannot address things directly with your supervisor. They may be union representatives, omsbudspeople, student union advocates/activitsts, HR representatives, grad secretaries/chairs, associate deans/heads. The more institutional separation they have from your department, the more likely it is that they will actually keep your confidence.

It is important to approach these people with a clear idea of what you want in mind. For example, union representatives can launch grievances as outlined in the collective agreement, but they cannot change institutional rules (except at the bargaining table). HR representatives are usually well-versed in institutional policy and will help to enforce it, but will enforce the policy in favour of the institution. Grad secretaries are good resources who can help you navigate the structure of the institution, but they typically have no enforcement power. Grad chairs are sometimes allies and are professors themselves, which gives them the most power, but also the most institutional buy-in. Student advocates/activists have the outside knowledge to navigate the system with less institutional bias, but rarely have structural power within the organization of the institution (or it is only token power, i.e., a seat on a commitee somewhere).

Everyone in this category can help you prepare for a conflict, but they are rarely capable or willing to carry out the conflict for you (with the exception of some unions). The outcome from this stage is simply getting information.

 

Talk to an advocate who can file a grievance

If you’ve gotten to this point, you’ve tried the “soft” methods of conflict resolution, or you’ve determined that they are impossible/unwise to pursue. If you haven’t already, start talking with someone who is capable of filing an official grievance for you. You may still request that they do not go ahead with the grievance until you’re comfortable with it, but now is time to prepare for some kind of official grievance or complaint process.

For example, unions are typically able to file formal grievances with the employer, i.e., the institution. There will be clearly-outlined dispute resolution processes. The union will have representatives who can act on your behalf, help you talk to lawyers, or simply attend meetings with you. The organizations will be compelled to come to some kind of an agreement given your case. Typically, there will be a “soft” negotiation period where the resolution can be made without engaging with lawyers. This is common for complaints that are about late paycheques or small violations of the collective agreement. More serious violations may require arbitration.

However, it is very likely that your complaint will not be under the union’s jurisdiction. The union may be philosophically opposed to people being bullied and harassed, but if you were bullied in your capacity as a student, and not as a worker, then they will not have the ability to launch a complaint on your behalf. Depending on the structure of your institution, there may be offices that handle investigations and complaints. For example, the Omsbudsperson may be tasked with mediation or arbitration of disputes. Talk to your Omsbudsperson (or similar) and ask them what their responsibilities are. In some institutions, Omsbudspeople are specifically not allowed to arbitrate disputes, but, instead, offer advice on policy.

Again, a word of caution: you cannot guarantee that someone within the institution will act according to your will. Be careful with what you tell them until you are ready to make a complaint. Focus on process questions until you trust their abilities. Record every conversation you have with them by taking notes (or if you have single-party consent in your state, voice record them).

 

File an official complaint within the institution

Now that you’ve prepared by talking to the right people, file an official complaint. This may be through the union, grad chair, department head, dean of your organizational unit, or HR. They will advise you on the process—every system is different.

When you are making your complaint, again, focus on objective statements. Unlike when talking to your supervisor, you do not have to suggest outcomes or solutions. In fact, it would be wise not to unless required. However, knowing them for yourself is important. Do you want a new supervisor? Do you want a letter of apology? Do you want a grade to be re-examined?

It will be tempting to accept half-measures at this time. People may suggest that you can work out the complaint “under the table.” This is a trick. Insist on following the full complaint procedure. Agree to things only in writing that you have reviewed in detail with your lawyer (if you have one). Insist on having resolutions given to you in writing.

Unfortunately, no person within the institution will have see this complaint through for you. It is disappointing, but you will have to be your own advocate in this regard. It is very, very unlikely that the complaint will be resolved unless you continually re-assert your right to have a complaint resolved. This may not be how it’s “supposed to work.” It certainly doesn’t feel “right.” You may be shamed and attacked by people who are now fearing for their jobs. You may be retaliated against. You may be threatened. You may be kicked out. It may be illegal to do any of these things and they still may happen.

Document everything. Most complaints procedures have anti-retaliation provisions. This will not mitigate the effects of the retaliation on you, but it might give you an ability to fight further down the line. If you’re at this point, you’ve likely lost a significant amount. Time, energy, relationships, opportunities. You may never get those back, but you might be able to win yourself protections or remunerations in the future.

File a complaint outside of the institution

If you’ve gotten to this point, the complaint within your institution will have failed to some degree. Either you have had no resolution, experienced retaliation, or are unhappy with the institution’s decision. Again, it may very well be that the institution has acted illegally or immorally or both. As surprising as it is, it is not uncommon for institutions to ignore their own policies, state law, or to have policies that directly contravenes state law. Most policy is “untested” in a court of law, so it very well may be that you are the first to “test” it.

The state will have a variety of bodies that are responsible for adjudicating the actions of an institution. Workers rights boards, human rights courts, and regular courts are examples of this. Some of these bodies do not require you to have a lawyer, or will provide a lawyer for you. Some will not.

Be aware that most cases that make it to court are public in some manner. That means that your name will be searchable for potential workplaces, journalists, regular citizens and lawyers. Your name may or may not be published, but it is typically possible at this point to have that happen. Some courts will allow an application for anonymity. Prepare for having this become larger than you are able to control.

 

You can always walk away

You are not obligated to finish a fight you have started. They may offer you money to go away: take it if you want it. You alone will not change the system. Take care of yourself first and foremost. If you need to stop the conflict, leave the institution, do something else with your life, you have not failed. You just found out more about yourself and what you need.